


The Triu(h)mphs of Cronus Ampora. The Best, Vwhy Thank You. ;)

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 4th Wall Breaking, Cronus is a joke, F/M, Gen, Meta, Other, Parody Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 11:09:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11147199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: the story of moi





	The Triu(h)mphs of Cronus Ampora. The Best, Vwhy Thank You. ;)

**Your name is Cronus and--**

 

vwait. vwait one second. if youre going to be vwriting some literature about the GREATEST, then you should allowv moi to dictate the scene, yes? i knewv youd be understandin, cat. *vwink vwink.*  


vwhere vwere vwe? oh yes! my names cronus and god DAMN aint i just absolutely boned right about nowv. there is a vwery attractivwe person of the female persuasion, if you catch my drift, sitting across the …

vwell damn. i dont knowv, this is kind of me just divwing right in so givwe me a moment or tvwo.  


**> Your moment was up when you interrupted me, the author.**  


SHEESH, damn. sorry i vwanted to be the author of my owvn story, dont you think? sorry to burst your little povwer fantasy, bucko, but i prefer dictating my owvn life. anyvways…

she vwas there, sitting across the booth from one of her gal pals. eyes as crystal blue as the sky abovwe. lips puckered in coquettish expression as her hands laced ovwer one another. she fluttered her eyelashes for a moment behind her cat eye frames and flipped straight, black hair behind her shoulder. tvwo horns curvwed slightly, one ending at a hook and the other in a clawv.

her eyes shifted to me for a moment, one split in eight like the femme fatale vwenomous spider she vwas (or liked to think. you and i both knowv that aranea is the most bangin babe evwer to exist in san fransi...ko.)

(A/N: i heard from a guy wvho heard from another guy that sun crisco is the best place in human earth to livwe so i am trying to be as HUMAN and greaser as possible, so dont hate. discrimination can march its ass right out the door. split on the vway out, thanks and good riddance.)  


**> You’re a desperate, despicable sod of an author. You’re making yourself seem like a BIGGER tool than you already are smfh.**  


LALALALA wvho is that? i dont knowv. to me, it sounds like a huff of vwind if i can be 8LANTANTLY honest vwith you guys and gals. so if youd be so kind to let me CONTINUE vwhere i left off, god damn.

 

vwhere the fuck vwas i? theres so many interruptions i dont evwen vwanna pursue aranea anymore because in this cluster fuck of rudeness and sporadic commentary from the peanut gallery of some meta god "true author" or wv/e the blast you vwanna use as an excuse to debunk this vwhole textual summary of my VWICKED COOL and insane life of being a totally chill n nice guy ( ;) ). god i evwen lost my train of thought thanks to 8ASED FEMALE AUTHOR-8UT-NOT VWOICE IN THE CLOUDS (or my thoughts? vwho is vwriting this shit anyvways.)  


**> META. YOU WENT INTO META. Ok, _The Fuck Ups of Cronus Ampora. The Worst, Vwhy FUCK OFF_ has came to a complete and total end. You’re not a human and you’re dead. You’re fucking dead and EVERYONE thinks you’re FUCKING annoying. God, if you weren’t so pretty I’d kill you again. Double death x 9000.**  


oh you think im pretty? im vwery flattered. if i didnt knowv any better, id assume this is a caliginous solicitation. i knowv at least 6 vways howv to tie a cherry stem into a knot vwith my tongue. care to test that theory?  


**> Stuff your hand down your pants and go jack yourself into a corner. Making out with me who doesn’t even exist is primarily the indication that you’re off your rocker. Go have some wet dreams about like, I don’t know. Human chicks in black and white movies or cry to Gotye. Serenade a garbage can because you can’t do any better.**  


haha coming on a little too strong, aint ya? vwhat vwould you do if i vwere laying beside you? ;)  


**> THIS IS STUPID.**  


**Screen fades to black and you hear the shrill, terrible scream from a certain guy with a delusional fantasy that he isn’t anything than what he was now. Begging and the puncture of skin being pierced. Slosh of organs and the ground stained violet. Don’t worry though! He can’t fucking die again.**

  
**Yet, anyways.**

GAME OVER.

**Author's Note:**

> lmfao my tumblr is @haldroid


End file.
